So one of the things I love the most about Africa is the dichotomy. Let's talk a moment about the most spectacular efficient inefficiency. Africa is the place where they sell postcards but no stamps, have traffic lights that no one follows (apparently red really does mean go until a much larger vehicle is braver than you are), and where there are "oui madam" moments every five minutes.
What is a "oui madam" moment? Funny you should ask. A "oui madam" moment is when you spend an exorbitant amount of time speaking very slowly (not in a condescending way, but in a thoughtful way) explaining exactly what you are ordering from a menu...something actually on the menu and well spelled out on the menu, and you get something completely different. Say you order a grilled cheese sandwich, and explain you want two pieces of bread with a piece of cheese in between that melts once the bread is "toasted" in a pan over heat. What you get is goat on a stick with a roll next to it and small squares of very yellow cheese. This is a "oui madam" moment, and proof that you should never ever order a sandwich of any kind in Africa.
Marik has an even better "oui madam" moment and I will try and convey it as best I can here. So here is Marik on her way back to Kigali from Kemembe, and she's at the "airport" (local building with a strip of paved area nearby where the 60 seater lands) and she realizes she does not have her phone charger. She calls the guy that watches her house. He is almost at the market and not there. She asks him to get a moto (motorcycle taxi) and tells him she is paying for it. She says "stop at my house, in the top drawer of the dresser in my bedroom is phone charger. Get that and bring it to the airport for me. (by the way she speaks fluent french so this is all in french). He says "oui madam, oui madam". About 45 minutes go by and she calls him, asks where he is and he says " I'm just getting to the market". She explains again, grab a moto, go to the house, go inside, go into my bedroom, open the top drawer of the dresser and get my phone charger. Hop back on the moto that you have asked to wait and bring it to me at the airport. "oui madam, oui madam". Another 45 minutes go by, the plane that was luckily delayed is getting ready to finish boarding. In the distance comes a moto speeding up the road. It peels into the parking lot, tires screeching, pouring rain...the guy hops off, nothing in his hands, runs up to Marik and says..."oui madam?". No charger, no nothing. That is the ultimate "oui madam" moment in history.
The things I have pondered extensively on this trip are much like that. There is as I mentioned a fundamental inefficiency to this place. There are four waiters standing together talking, I signal to order a drink. One comes over and I order a coke no ice. He goes back to the group and a different guy heads over to the bar. About a half hour later a third guy comes to my table and starts to pour a fanta orange into a glass briming with ice. I decide to just get a glass without ice and drink the damn fanta. Or the postcards no stamps thing. What the heck is that about? 2 hours for dinner on average, just to come, not to eat. 4 hours to get a towel in your room, and that's in a really good resort hotel. But these are the minor things. The things that annoy based on an American mind steeped in rapid response and instant gratification. Not the things of importance.
For the things of importance there is an astounding practical efficiency that American's will never understand. Here is a brief illustration....
I am checking out from the hotel. I have been told to report to the front desk for my ride at 7:30pm to be able to get to the airport by 9 pm (yes traffic over the 40 miles from the hotel to the International Airport is that bad). So I go down at 6:45 to settle my bill. The gentleman at the desk starts to print my bill at about 6:50. I get it at 7:15. There are about 20 $0.10 charges on the bill indicating food purchases. The guy cannot explain to me what they are and suggests that maybe they are water. But a bottle of water is $0.97. It takes another 10 minutes to go through that. During that time I ask him to confirm my transport to the hotel and he says "but we wanted to suggest that you join the group leaving at 6:30 pm since you are the only one going at 7:30 pm but we didn't see you". And I say, "I was in my room and no one rang me there". "oh, you were in your room?". "yes". "Oh, we did not call you there". "no you didn't, so will I still get a taxi to the airport?"... "Oui madam" (just kidding, I got a ride and that is what I'm trying to get to).
This is the time for fundamental efficiency. Every time I get in a taxi in Africa, we stop for petrol before we go wherever I have asked to go. Sometimes the petrol station is in the opposite direction, as it was tonight. But as the young man explained to me, this place had the cheapest gas.
So it was about 1680 Tanzanian Shilling per litre (the other places we passed were between 1700 and 1800; it's about 1100 TShilling to the US dollar these days). First fundamental efficiency, go kilometers out of your way for cheaper petrol. 2nd fundamental efficiency, we all know it takes more gas to start a car than to keep it running....it is the "rule" in the US to turn off your car when fueling. Not so in Africa, they keep their engine running while they fill up. Not entirely sure if this is the safest thing in the world but maybe the "no smoking" signs and "no cell phone" signs are as over rated at the "turn off engine" signs at gas stations in the US.
3rd fundamental efficiency. The airport is 1 1/2 hours from the hotel if there is traffic; which, as I mentioned, there always is. The guy goes in the other direction for cheap petrol, leaves the car running and puts 1 gallon of petrol in his car. The car is on empty. Total E, light on and all (it's a toyota camry of some year). One gallon. Our cars only get about 27 miles to the gallon. There was maybe a 1/2 gallon in the car if the gauge is correct. And we set off to the airport.
This is the fundamental 3rd efficiency, there is never a full tank of gas in Africa. Because why would you put more gas in the car than you need to use at the time. It makes no sense to invest in a reservoir of a resource that you do not know you are going to imminently consume. This is a full cash economy, 1 gallon of gas at a time, buy only the food you need for the day, no debt, no loan society. You get what you can use in the very nearest future and that's it. No hoarding, no what if, no extra. I know the guy has some money in his pocket in case he can't pick up a fare to cover his way back to downtown Dar es Salaam, but first he will try to find another fare. And if he doesn't, his efficiency is that he will spend for another gallon to get him home until he starts again tomorrow where he will get money for his next gallon.
It's an amazing juxtaposition of efficiency with minor inefficiencies built in (wrong direction to get much cheaper petrol, loss of business to someone else because you only sell postcards and no stamps, canceled orders because they take so long and we mzungu's are so impatient).
But I love it. The vast difference from all things here make me love this place and home equally. I am getting to know my place in both.
Here is a nice little photo of the wonderful scenes I had this week (minus the kayaking incident, no pictures of the capsizing or resulting carnage).
Love you both and see you soon!
